Today there is no special occasion for me to write a blog but felt like expressing my feeling to someone. Since i did not have 1 i thought of this option.1 new thing i did was came back from office in bus. wanted to check out how tough / easy it wud be for me to travel in my 8th month.Guess it was not a great option to opt for.I didn't get a seat to sit and it was dam hot too.So by the time i reached home i was exhausted and slept off immediatly.
I dono if i shud be saying this or not but i have not enjoyed my pregnancy period at all. D only great thing happened during my preg was the Bihar Trip where i got to meet my family n was among active,energetic and bihari people which got me back to the same happy mood. Being in kerala for such a long time i had almost become a mallu and had forgotten the lifestyle of a bihari.The josh still continues inside me today after a month which has made me decide that no matter wat happens,no matter whether my MIL gives me food or not,no matter my in laws care or ask for me or not i will take care of myself. Its been more than a week noe since i have been staying with mom. We both are supporting each other so well and enjoying life. Mom's chemo happened, this time with a new dose and a new reaction (only headache-touch wood) and i was also taking care of mom while she was taking care of me.
But somewhere inside my heart i have a pain- pain of not seeing JD behave likei had expected him to. Getting preg after 3yrs of marriage is not a small thing- We had not planned like this but yes we never got time to settle down and then plan the pregnancy.I was also not prepared for a baby and thus the delay. Finally when i break the news to JD i did not see so much of excitement in him. I understand i expect a lot frm ppl but man he is my hisband- the wud be father who is supposed to act bloody different with me when iam going to make him a daddy. He does not have time for me at all. I understand his office being 1 hr away from home takes most of his time away from me but caring is a feeling and comes from heart- u don't need specific time for it. Caring could mean calling up regularly to ask hows mummy n baby doing, caring could mean getting some small things to eat for the baby (if not mummy), caring wud mean messagin in bet to know and asking for the baby's movements,caring wud mean replying to my emotional messages when ever i message about the baby ,caring wud mean coming home (even if its too late) to see me at mom's place and then rush back home w/o informing hios family etc.. there can be many ways in which a guy can show he cares.. but i am not finding this at all in JD. Iam really surprised and shocked to see him behave so indifferent. I did have a doubt in bet if he really was happy bout the new comer. Not able to understand or believe y is he behaving like this. But these things are definatly making me upset day by day.
Have no idea how wud he behave in my 9th month when mom is also not here and is gone to Goa. i had already lost trustand hope on his parents and now on him too :-(
God please give me strength to deal with such emotions properly so that my baby is not affected...
